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"setting boundaries is hard.
it can go a little something like this."


“you say you don’t care, but you do.”



you’ve been playing this game of tug-of-war between your feelings and their feelings and it looks like they’re winning. your mind betrays you by re-playing that buried memory over and over and over and over again.

why didn’t you speak up for yourself?
why did you let them treat you that way?
you let them get the very best of you
.

their opinions influence your own. their words become you. you become them. you are them–every last one.
while looking over in the mirror you barely recognize yourself. you double-take. your vision is blurry. wiped eyes to no avail. there’s two of you. no, three? wait, four? each time, each version appears a little more heartbroken, a little less confident, a lot less you.
what’s left of you?
who are you?
you aren’t sure anymore. you have nothing left to give. beggars can’t be choosers but you chose to let your guard down.

now look at you.

“it’s fine”…”i’m fine”…”you’re fine”
you lock eyes with the stranger in the mirror. splash cold water on your face. the mascara starts to run. you lock eyes again. focused.

NO, YOU’RE NOT FINE.
you’re shattered. pieces everywhere. how do you begin re-building these walls? do you even want to? is it even worth it? how much will it cost? what’s the blueprint?
you are the blueprint.

it’s hard in the beginning, but it gets easier.

these things helped me. maybe they’ll help you too:

  • identify and define your limits (the physical/emotional/mental).
  • say “no”.
  • say no and actually mean it.
  • say no again.
  • AND AGAIN.
  • don’t feel bad for saying no
  • cut people off that don’t take no for an answer.
  • practice the self-care you neglected to give yourself.
  • cry when you feel like crying.
  • don’t argue. discuss.
  • stop yourself ahead of time.
  • start caring less.
  • better yet, don’t care at all.
  • hold yourself accountable.
  • know when to say/not say ‘sorry’.
  • “self-awareness”
  • “self-reflection”
  • don’t get lost in the moment, moments don’t last forever.
  • stop overthinking.
  • trust your gut.

 

enough is enough

you roll your eyes. wipe away the mascara. take a deep breath.
whatever.
“you say you don’t care, but you do.

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